acceptance

I am having great difficulty accepting that what I remember of my past actually belongs to me. On an intellectual level I know it is my life but emotionally I do not.

All my life I have lived with my past as a dream. I created a past that did not happen but it was a good one. How do you let go and accept what is true when for so long you have been in denial?

I am a master at avoiding situations/conversations etc, etc, that tap into emotions I have denied myself now for many years.

I want to change this and move on. I have a good therapist who keeps setting me homework except he calls them experiments. None of them is difficult but for me they are as it means i have to think of myself. his has me in a complete panic.

Anyone got any strategies i can use to help me complete my homework and feel good about it.?

I was set homework by my therapist some years ago and I used to say "I just said I can't do that" and she'd say "it's your homework". I'd laugh about it and then cry a bit but each week I would do it. I don't know what was going on. Maybe she could tell how far to push me.

Regarding strategies. The only one that worked for me was to say to myself that I must take responsibility for my current situation. Here I am, regardless of what powers have put me here. I have only myself now to do things. It is up to me. I am responsible. I am an adult.

It was a bit of a revelation (I'm a big kid at heart). I still struggle with things but I like to think of that last paragraph to push myself.