Help-what's wrong with me

I've found this site because my GP suggested I may have PTSD and referred me to the specialist psychotherapy service for assessment and help. After four months of waiting and two intensive hour long sessions, they've said they'll accept me for long term psychotherapy but that they don't believe giving a diagnosis is helpful. I don't know what to do next. I understand there argument but I want to be able to help myself and find others who are like me and I can't do that if I don't know what is wrong with me. Im also starting university (postgrad) and can get support for mental health problems but I need evidence of it, she just said to tell them I'm in therapy, but I don't know if it's enough. It's like the olden days when people were just called mad or insane, now I have to say I have mental health problems without having a name for it or condition I can look up. I feel really lost and disappointed. I've waited for so long to get therapy and now I don't know how helpful it will be. Is there anything else I can do? Has this happened to anyone else? I wish I could just be a normal person, everyone else is going to have a great time at uni, for me it's a nightmare so many people and crowds and now no explanation to give to people for why I find it so awful, without having to go into my horrible experiences which I can't talk about anyway and don't feel I should have to.

Thanks for any help

Hi Laura

I have been trying to get my psychiatrist to diagnose complex ptsd since March of this year if not much earlier. I think I may be getting close to his agreeing with me but boy has it been a frustrating and infuriating battle of wits. He has said more than once that he was wrong about his previous diagnoses and recommendations for getting well and even said that my last piece of evidence,(the book which I will mention shortly) was very helpful for him and that he was learning from me. My point is that getting diagnosed with PTSD can be difficult but I find the more informed you are the better your understanding will be and the better a case you can make. I suggest getting a copy of Invisible Heroes- Survivors of trauma and how they heal by Belleruth Naparstek as I found it enormously helpful and reassuring. It names and explains so many of the inexplicable and terrifying symptoms and experiences that I know so well. I found with my psychiatrist and with therapists that I do 99% of the work but find them a great support and as well as providing some structure to the recovery path. Keeping a journal of your experiences is also a good idea.

Maybe you will find some of this useful. The main thing is that you are determined to help yourself and with your insight and self belief you will make great headway in getting what you need.
yours
s

Thanks for your reply. I will try and get that book, I'm a bit silly in that I avoid anything to do with trauma so I find it hard to buy books like that, but I really want to sort my life out so I will try and buy it and read it. You mention your psychiatrist would be the one diagnosing you, as I didn't want medication I was referred to the psychotherapy team, would you recommend seeing a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis or should I just carry on for now? I had one in the past when I had depression but he wasn't much help. My therapist is a clinical psychologist so I know she could diagnose me if she chose to. Keeping a journal is a good idea, I tend to draw rather than write, but I might try and put things down into words. I worry about them being read (not that's there's anyone to read them I just worry) and I guess drawings are more cryptic but I think writing them down will be a start towards healing.

Thanks
Laura

Hi Laura. I think you should stay with your psychotherapist instead of switching again to a new person. I find starting over to be most demoralising. Having someone you trust and respect is the most important. I see it as a learning curve for both me and my doctor. It is great that you can express yourself through drawings. I do that too sometimes.
Best of luck in your new adventure. Please keep in touch and let me know if you wish to chat anytime.
S.

This is the first post on here than I can relate to. I have been popping in here for the past few weeks as the therapist I am seeing told me to surf the web for self help with ptsd.
I have one question though, the therapist is always going on about getting me to talk about all the events that have caused my ptsd, thing is...if I do bring them out in the open, will they go away?
As I keep having recurring nightmares about those events and wake up sweating and totally confused, as I think I am still there!
It takes me a while to realise where I am, as the nightmares are so real its like being there again, even the smells are there, (burning flesh, for example) My whole body is shaking when I do wake up, and it takes me ages to come round, its so bad, I am scared to fall asleep now, I am restless, figity and confused.
My wife is understanding about it all, but when I jump up in the middle of the night, it gives her a fright as well.
Is this all normal, or am I losing it altogether??
Cheers, Gadgie.

Hi Gagdie

I am so glad you found the post helpful. I think it is important to be very careful in relating your traumatic experiences as sometimes this may trigger symptoms. Be very gentle in doing so. I recommend the book Invisible Heroes by Belleruth Naparstek. In chapter 2 of this book the author explains the difficulties in relating ones experiences to a therapist and suggest ways to make it easier. Everybody's experience is different but it never hurts to have some knowledge of those that have recovered as is given in this book.

Your responses and symptoms seem very common to people suffering from ptsd. and no you are not losing it.

Good luck to you.
S

Thanks fr that S, I have my next meeting tomorrow, so I am going to try, even though I am not all that sure.
The therapist says its about time I did, as I have been having therapy for around 6 months now, and that was after waiting for over 2 years!
I don't want them to stop my therapy, as it is helping a bit, but not curing the nightmares though?
Glad I am not losing it, and surprised that there are so many of us, as I have always felt isolated and thought it was only me?
Cheers, Gadgie.

Laura, please read Overcoming Traumatic Stress, by Claudia Herbert and Ann Wetmore, it really is fantastic. I think the the phrase PTSD can be somewhat confusing, as it does cover such a very wide set of symptoms and encompasses so many different events, and nobody's stress level can really be measured against another persons. Also Post Traumatic, sort of gives the idea that it was, one event, that led to the stress that one is experiencing, whereas in certain cases it's obviously just one more bit of stress added to all the previous events that has been the straw that broke the camels back, and brought everything crashing down. Stress, is surely the keyword. Our conunsellor says that its very difficult to give an exact name to the problem as so many of the different symptoms are interchangeable, and that's why there are so many aspects of treatment as it's not a one size fits all situation. Flashbacks, negativity and panic attacks and fears of crowds etc, being shared by a number of disorders. However, you are taking action, surely that's the best bit. Whatever it is called, 'It' ,will and can improve!
Millie

Well I did try it S, it wasn't easy but I managed to talk about one of them. It didn't help at all really, as I had a nightmare about the same incident that night!
So it looks like they are never going to leave me, but I am still willing to try anything they suggest!