Hope

Hi All

Just a few lines to give hope to anyone thinking they'll never recover. I am an ex detective who lived and worked through some 50 murder enquiries over a 6 year period. I had a number of breakdowns and was diagnosed with endogynous depression before being retired early on health grounds. Whilst I fought my way back off incapacity benefit into full time employment I was never clear of 'the demons' and suffered everthing from hypervigillance, agression and mood swings to almost total reliance on alcohol to survive. I have attempted suicide three times and was a nightmare to live with.

Anyway after 16 years I had my latest critical phase earlier this year and was arrested under the mental health act - still no treatment was forthcoming. I did a lot of research and self-diagnosed PTSD. Thankfull I also found the help I needed in the shape of ASSIST a trauma centre based in Rugby. They confirmed my diagnosis and I have just completed my eith session of CBT and finally feel I am making progress. I am starting to learn how to relax again and enjoy the real important things in life like other people, friends and family. I feel alive again and want to live. Please keep searching for whatever help you can get understanding your condition is the key to recovery.
I hope these words may give others some hope.

Christov

Hello, I've sent you a private message,
Juli.

Your remarks gave me the greatest of hope. Again, it seems to me that so many people experience 'one' great big event that causes problems and for so many others it's just a constant 'drip' of horrid events, that eventually leads to overload. I realise since these problems surfaced in my own home, that even when I got together with my husband seventeen years ago, he had problems then and just sort of managed to mask them. His outburst and tempers and negativity and sometimes, plain nastiness, were all there but being managed and incorporated into daily life. The fact that on a daily, weekly and fairly constant basis he faced danger and death and had people, and even regrettably, friends, die on him didn't seem to touch him - apparently! But of course it did. And it only came to a head just recently, when it almost came to total breakdown, and everything was going to spiral out of control. But it didn't, and like you, I think 'recovery'? perhaps not an appropriate word - salvation ? sounds like we are on a mission! But definately Hope and Improvement and Pleasure and Looking Forward are words that we maybe aren't yet using, but I'm sincerely hoping might be added to our vocabulary in the near future. Also, just the joy of opening eyes in the morning without thinking, oh God this is as good as it's going to get, that utter hopelessness is receeding. A bit like a morning fog, it's still there, but sort of becomming more transparent.
Travelling hopefully!
Millie