warning....I AM a rambler

i would like to warn people that i ramble a lot...
hello,
i have ptsd, but had to diagnose myself. as language mentality barriers have blocked me from understanding my doctors.
I live in a foreign country, i am an expat londoner(well near), have been living here for more than 28 years, actual language is not the problem as i worked in offices here. No it's a mentality culture thing. They very subtle rules where i live, but they are too nice to tell you.
you gotta guess. Some rules i have learnt only recently and feel ashamed, these rules are logical to them, but for me it took years to understand.
Well ptsd has comunication problems already.
i am homesick always, but fearful of moving
I still live with my ex-family after 19 years and have not got a life.
I live in constant terror.
thankfully i ffound a booklet on Saturday past and it saved my life...all about symptoms of ptsd...god sent
Now i realise all my fears of being shot, poisoned, attacked, followed ect is all fake.
I also these past years have the strangest allergy...perfume and chemical odours.. they give me panic attacks and my body becomes very ill for a few days
cannot take pills, i react badly in mind and body
intolerant to soaps, make me scratch
i am living in a bubble
But now i realise its just the way the body is reacting to my terror disorder..i got super hearing and a supersentive nose mouth touch...
i feel like superwomen but without the balls.
now i realise 90 percent is fake and the rest is my doing..cos of ptsd
i can start looking for the right people and i am sure i will find them...
like this forum. just reading the other messages makes me return to planet earth and start again
Thankyou Forum

Sorry, wrote badly..I live in Swiss-italian part of Switzerland, but i was born and brought up in England. So my mentality is very english, and i find it difficult the mentality here..not that they are wrong..it is just a different culture.
My problem is explaining, it comes out all confused.
i am looking into a english born therapist to see if things get clearer and start moving on.
But, i see people here on the forum have problems with their own country mentality.
having ptsd is rather complicated, but i am hopeful of living a better life, since discovering the truth of the matter

Hi Merryfield

Welcome to the forum.

If you think you have PTSD you might find it useful to read 'Waking the Tiger' by Peter Levine. It clearly explains how the body reacts to trauma & has helped me to understand my symptoms.
If you can it would be helpful for you to seek professional help, before I did my symptoms were completely out of control & i'd been off work for a year, but working with a psychologist over the last 14 wks they've improved enough for me to go back to work.

It does help to talk & this forum is a great way to get some peer support.

Rosie