I FEEL SO LET DOWN

HI,I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE SO HERE GOES. I ENDED MY 14YR RELATIONSHIP LAST NOVEMBER BUT AT THE TIME I DIDN'T KNOW WHY,IT WAS IN MARCH THIS YEAR I REALIZED SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME,I DIDN'T FEEL REGRET,HURT,REMORSE,ANYTHING.I WAS TOLD I HAD PTSD,WHAT A SHOCK !!!!!!!!!!! MY DOCTOR TOLD ME THIS,THE SAME MAN WHO KNEW WHAT THE LAST 8YRS OF MY LIFE HAD ENTAILED. THE DEATH OF MY 5YR OLD DAUGHTER,THE COUNCELLING,THE SAMARITANS,THE SUICIDE ATTEMPT,THE PAIN,AGONY,TORTURE TO TRY AND CARRY ON WITH THIS LIFE WITH SOME SORT OF NORMALITY KNOWING THINGS WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME AND TO GET THIS FAR AND THINKING I WAS GETTING ON WITH MY LIFE,WHAT A SETBACK. I WASN'T TOLD THAT PTSD NORMALLY STARTS WITHIN THE FIRST 6 MONTHS OF THE EVENT LET ALONE TOLD THAT PTSD EXISTS AND THAT I MIGHT EXPERIENCE IT LATER ON IN LIFE,NO WARNING, NOTHING. I NOW SEE TWO PSYCHOLOGISTS WHO ARE TRYING TO HELP ME BUT AT TIMES I STRUGGLE SO MUCH BECAUSE EVERYBODY AROUND ME HAS NORMAL FEELINGS,CAN CRY WHEN THEY WISH,LOVE,LAUGH,AND FEEL. I'VE READ SOME POSTS TONIGHT THAT MAKES ME REALIZE I'M NOT ALONE AND I'M EXTREMELY GRATEFUL THAT THIS WEBSITE EXISTS. THE PUBLICITY THAT EXISTS FOR PTSD SUFFERERS IS SHOCKING AND I THINK THAT MORE SHOULD BE DONE TO BRING AWARENESS TO IT'S EXISTANCE. IF I HAD KNOWN ABOUT PTSD WHEN I SHOULD HAVE THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE THROWN AWAY 14YRS OF MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING THAT WENT WITH IT. THANKS FOR READING.

Read your piece. Congratulations you were brave enough to seek help. That is hardest part. Dont worry how or what other people are doing and how they are feeling its your feelings that count. If you cant cry so dont cry, one day when you choose it will all come out. Until then stay safe. It was a pleasure to read your piece.

Mark

I think the only people who can really understand what its like to have PTSD are the people who suffer from it! My doctor had been treating me for anxiety and depression, which was brought on by the constant back pain I have suffered ever since my accident. Then after 2 years of treating me for that, I was sent to a therapist, who told me that I had PTSD, (which the doctor had suggested in my medical notes) yet he never told me? The depression was hard enough for me to cope with, but the symptoms I now have with this PTSD is a lot harder! The mood swings, anxiety and shore temper have made it hard for my wife to live with me. Thankfully we have a really strong relationship and that has kept us together.

Hi There,

I hope you are able to take comfort from what others have said.

I just wanted to say I to have lost a daughter. She will have been 19 next month. All I can say is that i have some how found away to live with the grief. it is no less than the day she died and I still ask why. I know that after all these years I still blame myself for what happened even though I have been told a thousand times there was nothing i could have done.

I keep a special box for my daughter which has items in that give me comfort, cause me sadness and heartache. Over the years I have looked in it a handful of times. Yuo see the pain is still there for me and always will be.

People think you get over it, that time heals but the truth is it does not. You do have to try and live with it. I cope by talking to her at night when I am in bed, sometimes i am in tears at others i feel comfort as if she is with me. I always tell her I am sorry for what happened to her.

I have two other children whom need my love and care and the love i have for them is special and I need to always be there for them.

I think we always do the best we can given any situation with the information we have. Try not to look at your past with hindsight, you did not know then what you know now.

Thinking of you.

Thank you for your replies to my topic,i appreciate your kind words and thoughts,take care and best hopes for the future