Where is the knowledge?

I have just come off the phone from my Gp (i've known him for about 15 minutes/the truth!). . . I feel so angry and frustrated! Back in May & feeling so so desperate once more, i involved myself with the Nhs & asked for help, i have been doing private therapy for 15 years, and for the last 4 years i am 'convinced' that i'm suffering with 'complex child/Ptsd' and have had lots of Emdr therapy,and have done some 'rewind technique' processing. As i say in May, i asked for help & have seen an nhs psychiatrist & have now been put on a 2 year waiting list for Psychotherapy . . . i can't wait 2 years! I went back to my Gp with information about the Rivers centre in Edinburgh (specialist Ptsd unit), i also sent them an email describing my symptoms, i have now been informed that on the recommendations of both my gp & psychiatrist (40 minutes consultation in total/never met either of them previously before!), that the Rivers centre won't see me, because of the (lack of)information that they were provided with! I feel so demoralised and ignored . . . angry . . . furious actually!

Why is my g.p./psychiatrist not even giving me the opportunity to be assessed . . . the Rivers centre tell me they can only go off their recommendations!

I have a great void in my memory , everything atually shows itself in my body, my body is my memory & tells the story! I find it so difficult to be 'seen' to 'show' myself, i have so many triggers in my body that set off extreme panic & anxiety! It's true that i can't visually remember a lot of what went on for me when i was a baby/small boy, i've blocked it, and yet it's trapped in my bodily system! I'm actually (42 years) of age, i've not worked for 17 years, i struggle to make connections with people (i think i can on here though!), it has been accepted by 5 therapists - (3 x trauma) that i've worked with that i have experienced multiple traumas, sexual abuse being a part of them . . . because that's what my body tells them/me! Because i told my g.p. i cannot remember very much, he is now saying there is no evidence to prove what i am saying . . . this situation is like a replay of being that child once more, where there was no one to tell, or listen . . . i have told my g.p. this on the phone . . . i'm met with silence! When i met with the nhs psychiatrist i wrote out 7 x A4 sheets of information . . . it took me hours & hours as i struggle to concentrate! I insisted on reading out what i experience daily (my terror), fear of being misunderstood, i read it from a 'heartfelt' place, just as if i was that little boy once more asking for help . . . he didn't even look interested . . . let alone understand, and yet this man can deny me the right of being assessed!

I'm glad to share this information with all who may read this! Mark

Hi Mark,
Thankyou for sharing ,Im sorry to hear about the lack of knowledge and understanding from some of the health professionals .Ive had some very difficult experiences over the years regarding treatment which hasnt helped me at all .Ive had various therapies and had to wait almost 18 months to start my current long term psychotherapy ,waiting was very tough and especially as previously I'd been having therapies every week plus extra support for about 3 years ,so to go from that to then waiting 18 months was really hard .Thankfully Im in that therapy now and my therapist is really supportive and understanding ,he is helping me face the abuse I suffered throughout my childhhood and although Im finding it terribly painful and difficult ,he is really helping and supporting me .
I can relate to what youve said about the replay of your childhood with nobody to tell or listen .Im sorry that your gp isnt being very helpful .I hope you can find a GP who has more knowledge and understanding of complex PTSD and who will be able to support you and help you find the treatment which is right and best for you .

Charlie

Thanks for the support Charlie!

I'm just wondering what the point of any of this is? For the last 15 years i've spent my own money on private therapy . . . but piecing together my story (which i'm still not fully aware of), is compounded by unaware gp's/psychaiatrists who are denying me access to Ptsd resources, accusing me of self diagnosing! The fact that my 15 years of hard work, seems to mean very little to them, i've done 4 years of work with private 'trauma' therapists who think i have Ptsd. My gp/psychiatrist tell me that Ptsd is exclusively the result of Warfare . . . how wrong they are! To hear what these people have to say leaves me with a 'chill', a 'chill' that again repeats my childhood experiences of not being believed, no one intervened when i was being abused as a child either! I find myself living on my own once more, frightened by sounds & movement all around me, i'm frightened of being 'seen' and 'known' in this town i only came to in February. I can't find anywhere 'safe' to live, the only chance that i have here is supporting medical evidence to get me points on a housing scheme, and yet i can't get an assessment!

As a matter of interest, does any person on here know of an area in the uk where there are Gp's/Psychiatrists/Ptsd support groups (who meet) . . . maybe i just have to re-locate to where the help is? Mark

Im really amazed that there are health professionals that really believe that PTSD only affects those who have been through war ,there is so much more information now .I know how hard it is though,when you are struggling to face the reality of abuse yourself and then to have health professionals who by their words and actions make you feel invisible again .One of my biggest fears in treatment which I still struggle with, is that nobody will believe me .I helps me to know that there are others who can understand and relate to what ive been through and how debilitating it can be .I feel like a prisoner inside myself most of the time (sorry if that sounds a bit strange)
The therapist and others in the team who are treating me and supporting me are all being very understanding and it really helps me to keep persevering in my journey .

Keep fighting Mark for the treatment you need and deserve .

Best Wishes Charlie